never thought the day would come

where i actually hate him. 

something is wrong

i dont understand myself, i go to art school for 4 years do art love art go to design college hate design still do art finally get to an art college and do design. i am design among the art and art among the design. UGH NOONE UNDERSTANDS ME I JUST WANT TO DIE, MOM. 

FUCK MY WHITE CUBES AND LIGHT SPACE TIME THEORIES AND PHYSICS OF THE WORLD PRESENTATIONS AND REPRESENTATIONS. 

I feel like im just always going to be lost somwhere between the idea of then and now and the people and place around me but theres noone to blame but the naturalness of it all. I love the darling people who talk me through my art/brain insanity, sometimes not understadning but still listening to me and making me feel like somehow i will understand what compels me to do the things i do or think and make the things i think or make. There is nowhere to go but up, it has to go that way. I cant slip and pretend i want to paint because i know thats not true and i think this is true of all things like painting and making pretty things because the day i left  is the day i didnt look back into painting or making personal shit about emotional automatism and people in places that made them walk on the line between  crazy and normal or what is normal?

What I think is that i think i dont know. 

Fuck boston and school. I just want to live as a horticulturalist sometimes but even that will probably make me draw or think about manipulation in nature and be crazy and unsure that it was the right decision. AND what makes me think architecture is right for me... maybe all of this is about architecture?!!?! wahhhhhhhhhhhh whats wrong with me!

sigh

How I fucking loved that boy. Now its all thought and no feel, things change. 20 is going to be weird. There is never any certainty, I recently learned..

There has to be something better for me. I can never settle, things have to be harder and better and more intense. I take this very seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qsk8QQj5Nrc 

theres something starting dont know why

I've been feeling really emotional lately, I'm living in my head in my unclear cloudy head all i hear are my thoughts. Some new work has come out, I can't seem to concentrate on things I need to absorb. When i get home i just want to sleep until the sun comes up and I can feel ready to try again. 

I get really hyper when i see people but i dont want to talk to them at the same time, I dont know what it is. Or i speak to people very animated but its not because I want to speak to THAT person but because I needed some kind of contact. Nothing is particular with anyone here. 

I miss being in a relationship, I miss new york coffee, new york mornings. It's like the time of year for letting go. Of all of it. My life in new york my friends my everything hhytyh5e6hertgfdaeghtbhrehhhhhhh hyheyh6hw44wthjklop

LONG TIME

Wellll I relocated to boston i go to smfa now. ive been doing alot of new work right now im kind of sick and dizzy i cant think straight. its kind of hard to avoid thikning in fragments when im all cloudy in my head. 

I live here and not there.

I am tired of his excuses 

i dont want to talk to many people

i dont want to talk to people

im not sure that i care about the same things

my finger is going backwards in healing

 Ive been working on performance/ architecture/ drawing/ reinvention stuff  

:)

yera loser and im ovar it

grace said:

be peaceful. that helps me so much.

 be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful be peaceful.

xoxo 2 grace

i betur run

I've felt so much too quickly. I'm sorry blogger I don't have new work to show. (edit: I've been going to a stupid club only to get harassed for being sensitive) I also don't have a scanner to scan the new research I've done. I do, however, have new interests. I better leave Miami before this weird urge gets to me and I forget what it is I've always really wanted.  Remember remember remember! Moving to Boston Sunday morning, bye Miami. I wish everyone here a good rest of summer and good luck on everyones fall endeavors, peace dudes.

piece from 2008 an exploration in senior year of high school I did exploring nature within nature.

Asexual and sexual plant reproduction ( new interest 2009) 

- andrea

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUDCEzfPxw4

never again

no more 5am nights

Boys are making me fucking crazy, but I'll be in Boston on Sunday and none of it will matter. Then it'll just be alone working working and nothing else. Sounds kinda sad but theres nothing that makes me happier than working. Packing is really stressful especially when I've been feeling sensitive all I want to do is lay down. 

skimming the tops of tall trees it all comes down to a word

sonic youth rules for every one of these crazy anxious moods where i want to fuck up my relationship with everyone. Kelley cut my hair, its a really great haircut . Im getting used to not having a boyfriend and not having many friends by my side. Im ready for boston.

update: got a lot of new tie dye, found a german shep whos name is misha, made a garden, bought lavender seeds, got a tan finally, found theory shoes for 30 bucks, and got a haircut.

so funny

i love it!

okay day

coffee and barefoot contessa in bed

I have been thikning so much i can barely sleep everynight. I am excited for the Tufts part of going to smfa. I want to study archeology and ecology. I kind of don't want to be affiliated with art school its so all the same since i was in 9th grade I've been in art school its all very closed off from the world of knowlage. Theres so much else to know and we can't be exposed to it because were doing "art" but art dosent mean youre painting or drawing or making performances all day.

blah blah blah blah, I can't tell you how much I think about this. I got my packet for SAI I'm looking at Florence and Rome. I hope i can get a job to save for the plane tickets. 

Thinking

I dont think I can repair the damage done on my hair. Not caring for it for months pretty much deminishes the chances of ever have silky healthy hair again. I combed one side but the other side doesn't deserve any work or pain. I think I'm just going to cut it I don't deserve long luscious hair if I can't take care of it. 

I Bought some "value beads" for 3 bucks to make a chain for my new camera. I think I love them now, I'm not sure what else I can bead without seeming like a cat lady or 5 year old me.

I bought some really neat fabric. Its funny because I chose each print exclusively for it's own look without considering the others and they all came together matching and looking well together. I am making printed shirts and a quilt for david.

oh, i hate you

I feel angry and confused again. about where i am where im going about u about me. What else is new? I'm getting use to feeling like this. I use to be so happy alone not caring about anyone but my work and growth. 

I developed a roll of film and they didnt come out very  clear but i like them. I may make something out of them besides the study of time and life.

now that i think about the words time and life, 3 years at smfa dosen't look so bad.

more writings

i am not affiliated with any group 

i am alone 

i have no experience

update:

bf :gone to nyc
me :here alone nothing to do
me :missing him feeling like i knew id feel

me: should be doing work art something

me: new camera
me :new bags
me: lonely

me: want david
me: gonna go crazy without him

I remember 2 summers ago David left miami for new york and i cried for weeks because i was so in love and eventually we broke up. And now it's happening again, hes leaving for new york and im staying here and then we are not going to meet again for a while. I feel emotional today about it because im back in miami in the same place doign the same things with the same weather.

I woke up in the middle of the night with back and stomach pain chills and nausea and couldnt get out of bed until 3pm terrible emotional day. Im okay now it was just my period. I hate talking about periods. whatevur

heath cliff

This song brings back the weirdest memories of fall semester in nyc. I can't help but feel the same way emotionally when i listen to kate bush, i hate that. I can just remember my stomach flipping.

I am feeling much lighter about the idea of transitioning my confused life in nyc to being in boston. I can take paper making which is really exciting since I've wanted to do that for a long time and electronic sculpture classes :) :) :) which is even more .i dont want to be let down by unmotivated lazy classmates though, i hear thats how it works over there. I also want to tattoo on my body "architecture grad school" because I dont want to get lost and forget what i have learned in nyc// or what I learned I wanted in nyc. I hope SMFA dosen't ruin that plan for me or the chances of getting in to Harvard arch school (aye).

I also really want to make pancakes but we never have baking soda :( because my mom is cuban and cubans dont buy things needed for baking they just buy flour and eggs.

ALSO: if anyone knows someone that needs a roomate in boston.. I still dont have a place to live.

Back

These are some works ive done that have been document, alot havent been.

some old work i found on the way:

Im back on here i guess it's been a while, I helped david move into his new apartment in NYC and spent two weeks there with him. Now we're both back in Miami. I have a lot of work I didn't get to update on my damn blog alot got lost in nyc which is really depressing but whatever I try not to get attached. So here is some work: