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Monday, December 7, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
i dont understand myself, i go to art school for 4 years do art love art go to design college hate design still do art finally get to an art college and do design. i am design among the art and art among the design. UGH NOONE UNDERSTANDS ME I JUST WANT TO DIE, MOM.
FUCK MY WHITE CUBES AND LIGHT SPACE TIME THEORIES AND PHYSICS OF THE WORLD PRESENTATIONS AND REPRESENTATIONS.
I feel like im just always going to be lost somwhere between the idea of then and now and the people and place around me but theres noone to blame but the naturalness of it all. I love the darling people who talk me through my art/brain insanity, sometimes not understadning but still listening to me and making me feel like somehow i will understand what compels me to do the things i do or think and make the things i think or make. There is nowhere to go but up, it has to go that way. I cant slip and pretend i want to paint because i know thats not true and i think this is true of all things like painting and making pretty things because the day i left is the day i didnt look back into painting or making personal shit about emotional automatism and people in places that made them walk on the line between crazy and normal or what is normal?
What I think is that i think i dont know.
Fuck boston and school. I just want to live as a horticulturalist sometimes but even that will probably make me draw or think about manipulation in nature and be crazy and unsure that it was the right decision. AND what makes me think architecture is right for me... maybe all of this is about architecture?!!?! wahhhhhhhhhhhh whats wrong with me!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How I fucking loved that boy. Now its all thought and no feel, things change. 20 is going to be weird. There is never any certainty, I recently learned..
There has to be something better for me. I can never settle, things have to be harder and better and more intense. I take this very seriously.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I've been feeling really emotional lately, I'm living in my head in my unclear cloudy head all i hear are my thoughts. Some new work has come out, I can't seem to concentrate on things I need to absorb. When i get home i just want to sleep until the sun comes up and I can feel ready to try again.
I get really hyper when i see people but i dont want to talk to them at the same time, I dont know what it is. Or i speak to people very animated but its not because I want to speak to THAT person but because I needed some kind of contact. Nothing is particular with anyone here.
I miss being in a relationship, I miss new york coffee, new york mornings. It's like the time of year for letting go. Of all of it. My life in new york my friends my everything hhytyh5e6hertgfdaeghtbhrehhhhhhh hyheyh6hw44wthjklop
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Wellll I relocated to boston i go to smfa now. ive been doing alot of new work right now im kind of sick and dizzy i cant think straight. its kind of hard to avoid thikning in fragments when im all cloudy in my head.
I live here and not there.
I am tired of his excuses
i dont want to talk to many people
i dont want to talk to people
im not sure that i care about the same things
my finger is going backwards in healing
Ive been working on performance/ architecture/ drawing/ reinvention stuff