muchas palabras

I cannot begin to explain how alone I feel here. Yeah, I have a single room and it's great to not worry about a bitch roommate but I cannot deal with this constant ball in my throat every hour and crying a little every hour. Today was the first day of school... I don't know what I'm going to do for work when there isn't any strength to push myself. Today I haven't eaten anything just half a cup of tea and my stomach hurts but I'm too nervous to eat. 

Not this again. I hope that I can spend time with my friends more. I know none of my friends/ David reads this but if I could I would say: I am sorry. I am sorry for being a downer and complaining. Thank you for being there when I call, even though no one could today I am being forced to deal with it alone. I am sorry for acting like I take everything I have for granted and wanting what others have. I am sorry for comparing myself to you and others when everyones lives take different courses.

I cannot wait for change in my mind and in my environment, I need it so badly. I also need a friend I see consistently :(.